The acceptance of the ‘dad bod’, along with more recently emerging terms such as a ‘golden retriever boyfriend’ or ‘rodent-looking man’ highlights a societal trend where diverse body types and personalities in men are being celebrated, empowered and encouraged, despite the daily torment women and girls of all shapes and sizes have dealt with from the beginning. Why is that? Why is it that whilst men are being openly celebrated for their differences, women have become the easier target to torment; more susceptible to being crushed by an inevitably bigger, fiercer wave of impossible-to-meet societal standards?
I don’t think it’s because we are the easier target at all. No, in fact, I think we are faced with a harsher attack because we are harder to maintain and dictate, as women inherently possess higher levels of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. And so, cowardly tools of deprecation and humiliation are used to combat this. Unattainable beauty standards and cruel attempts to either fit us in perfect boxes, or leave us feeling worthless if we’re unable to mould.
So, let’s talk about it.
The ‘dad bod’ depicts a more average or slightly ‘out-of-shape’ physique on a man, which is often associated with a relaxed, confident personality. As a result of such empowering language, this body type has gained popularity, leading to a broader societal acceptance of men who don't conform strictly to archaic fitness ideals. Celebrities such as Jason Momoa and Adam Sandler have sparked progressive conversations within society about beauty standards in men, as a result of short-lived media scrutiny for having less-than-perfect physiques. Media outlets are celebrating that most think the “dad bod is sexy, attractive and indicative of a man who’s comfortable in his own skin”.
Similarly, ‘golden retriever boyfriends’ describe men who are kind, supportive, and emotionally expressive, representing a shift away from hyper-masculine traits. This is in sharp contrast to the retriever’s supposed perfect counterpart; the ‘black cat girlfriend’ which has started trending in the media, depicting an indifferent, anti-social and sarcastic woman. The two are often compared against the other in media coverage, indicating a perceived difference between the approachability of retrievers (men), and the stoicness of cats (women).
Likewise, the term ‘rodent-looking men’ playfully acknowledges the appeal of men with unconventional or distinctive facial features - women have no such saving grace equivalent. These trends reflect a growing acceptance of varied male appearances and behaviours, emphasising traits beyond traditional physical attractiveness and, ultimately, empowering them.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this is exactly how it should be. This evolutionary societal shift should have happened a long time ago. But why are women not being included in such salvation of the self? The ‘dad bod’ body type has been embraced, seen as relatable and attractive. Meanwhile, women face pressure to maintain thin, toned bodies and a passive, agreeable nature. Despite the rise of body positivity movements and egalitarian conversations, mainstream media still largely features women with socially idealised body types and features, often focusing on little more than their sexuality.
The double standard is screaming straight in our faces, and the difference in expectations for men and women continues to astound me. While men can find acceptance and even admiration across a spectrum of appearances and characteristics, women often remain under pressure to conform to extremely narrow beauty standards, and mainstream ideals for women still heavily emphasise youth, thinness, and outdated notions of beauty.
And heaven forbid we have a baby!
Now we’re on to the crux of this piece, and if you take any message away with you today, make it this one. You might be sitting there, reading this article, thinking: but what about the ‘mum bod’? There’s no doubt that it exists, both in conversation and print. So why am I writing about this, when we are talking about a mum bod?
I’m writing about this because, whilst the mum bod phenomenon is very much here, the difference in rhetoric is abhorrent. Women and people who give birth are immediately met with an insane urgency to whip themselves back into shape as soon as they’re through labour. Where men can often have no factors but their own choices and aging to account for their shift in physique, and are still celebrated in that fact and encouraged to be their authentic selves, women and people who give birth are pressured to ‘bounce back’ to perfection - alongside the countless mental and physical symptoms they have also had to endure at the time.
Research shows that 81% of women feel pressured to lose weight after childbirth, with 40% feeling most pressured by their partners, and 18% said social media platforms were the pressure source. It’s that close to 100% that it may as well be, meaning that over 4 in every 5 women feel this way after going through pregnancy, and dealing with the surge in hormone imbalance following labour. This isn’t brand new information to most of us; I’m simply offering a statistic for the sceptics and misogynists that might have accidentally stumbled across this article.
And so, let me begrudgingly paint you a picture that might elicit some empathy for those who lack the natural capacity. Imagine a woman - your mother perhaps, or sister, or friend. Not only has she just put her body and mind through nine months of pregnancy, and then the pain and possible trauma of labour and any complications that arise (the frequency of which is only increasing), followed by an untimely attack to her emotional endurance as she adjusts to life post-pregnancy - however that may look, although it is ultimately an incredibly difficult and life-changing process, sometimes painful or even traumatic. Not only does she have to endure all of that, but she’s then expected to endure and conform to the unfair pressure to submit to the ever-lasting beauty standards that are expected of her.
And meanwhile, dad is sitting on his arse doing the bare minimum (the ‘not all men’ chants are a constant echo from my nightmares at this point), getting a little soft around the edges, and the only expectations he now has to face is to continue being his authentic self, soft tummy and all. Because it’s sexy, didn’t you hear?
I reluctantly digress; there is now a need to critically examine these gendered disparities. It underscores the importance of challenging societal norms that value women primarily for their physical appearance (yes, we continue to be heavily sexualised in all walks of life), advocating for a broader acceptance of all body types, facial features, and personality traits in women. Addressing these issues requires ongoing efforts to shift cultural narratives and dismantle deep-seated biases in how beauty and value are perceived across genders. My stance is, ultimately, can we please just let people be people, and empower each person to be whoever they are, whatever that looks like? I’m personally exhausted by the alternative that we’re still facing every single day.
Keep talking about it.
